Thursday, January 26, 2012

Hi I'm Rachel and weird shit happens to me

Golf husband requested that I get with the marketing director at the club yesterday to help put together a video presentation. The task was to first take photos of the cottage that was being built on the golf course.

I have talked to Laureen on the phone and we are friends on facebook. The night before she offered to go out for drinks sometime. So I texted her back, so she would have my number and told her I was her Georgia peach and I'm ready for drinks when she was. She texted me back and said that I could drink sweet tea if that would make me feel more at home. Awe, she's sarcastic and I really think I'm going to like her.

I went to Laureen's office and we talked about the objective and the fact that the rain and mid-construction were going to cause issues with this event that they were planning. So, we decided to investigate the job site.

We load into my car and she directs me to the cart path. I've been on cart paths before so this wasn't new territory. The path wound and undulated along the golf course. The path then changed in nature there was a gully where the pavement separated and then the path turned into gravel and mush stopping in front of the construction of the two cottages.

We had to pull close to the cottage along side of another pick up, so we wouldn't block anyone trying to leave the worksite.

I had flutters in my stomach, because new construction is one of my loves in this world. That and now red velvet cake pops.

Us two girls hop along daintily not to get too dirty up amongst the Carhartt sausage party in matching cream color coats. Laureen was even more prepared for mudding in her super cute flowery peep toe shoes. At least I had on boots and jeans, but I'm not working in an office all day either.

After deciding that photos of a messy work site wasn't a good marketing piece we got back into my car. I begin to back out and crunchUh oh. I ran over these metal posts and I'm pretty sure they caused some damage.

I looked at Laureen who had big eyes and then turned the other way to see a guy waving his arms and running over to direct me safely out of the sight.


"Do you want me to get out and look at it?" Laureen asked.

"No. I don't want to think about it right now. I'm going to save that for later." Like when I can freak out without her thinking I was crazy. We've only known each other for about 20 minutes and she works with my husband. A bad impression was not a priority, but it looks like it was heading that way unintentionally.

All I wanted to do was hurry back, so I can see the damage. In that hurry, I drove over the gully perhaps a little too hard, because all of a sudden there was this metal on metal grinding fingernails on chalkboard sound. Holy crap! What did I do!?

I put the car in park and run to the back of the car. Wow, for running over something that looked damaging there wasn't anything wrong with my car. Laureen got out of the car and we both were on our hands in knees in our matching coats trying to figure if the muffler fell off. Nothing appeared to be hanging out of the bottom.

We get back in and head down the cart path and the noise which is the equivalent of fingernails scraping a chalkboard is still VERY prevalent. Up ahead of us there was a guy on a golf cart coming our way. Laureen knew him and asked me to roll down my window.

"Hey, do you hear that? Do you know what that noise could be?" Laureen asked.

Great a man. Men know cars right? So, now there were three of us on our hands and knees looking at my car's undercarriage.

Just then it was a caravan of golf cars with workers on them (more Carhartts) heading towards us.

Since I was from the South and I thought I can put the whole damsel in distress thing on I said sweetly, "I've got six guys here can ya'll figure out what the heck is going on with my car." Okay, maybe it came out more redneck than sweet.

How dorky is this? Great, now everyone will know Brian as the guy with the wife who can't drive. I couldn't think of anything else to do, so I got out my phone to take a picture. Laureen felt more useful as a photographer than sitting in the car.

Here they are:

They messed around and then we had to let them get back to work. I told them golf husband would repay them with a case of beer or something.

On the way back to drop Laureen off with the grinding still going she says, "Gosh! That sounds terrible! I mean I guess I need to be more positive. Its not that bad. See here is what you do to make it go away." She then turns up the radio louder.

Gosh, I am really not that upset. This girl is funny.

I grinded up to the front door and Laureen opened the door.

"This was fun." I said.

"Yeah, I wonder what we'll screw up the next time we get together."

"Maybe we can burn something down." I do like a good fire and it's cold here.

I drove straight to the auto repair shop and I got a text from Laureen asking me to eat Mexican with her in honor of the nice hispanic man that wedged himself under my car.

Mexican food makes everything better. I really like this girl and not only did we have matching coats and take me to eat Mexican food, but we also had the same nail polish color. She doesn't know Ken. I asked.

Oh, the guy at the car place said it was no longer making noise and it was probably a rock. WHEW!

Tuesday, January 24, 2012

First week in the corn

So if you haven't heard, we moved from Evans, Georgia to EvansVILLE, Indiana. Golf husband took a job with a new company that just bought the 35th best private golf club in the United States... and they decided his skills would be useful here in Indiana.

I know I never followed up on the BHI part 2 post. For the most part the rest of the trip was fine. I got a little tipsy one day, lost my earrings and sunglasses in the ocean while I was flopping around in the waves like a mermaid, then went out to see a live band of 2 people and I got everyone dancing and couldn't understand why the girlie singer and the guitar playing-dude wouldn't let me sing back-up. I never had a hangover, but my brother-in-law and golf husband went to play golf (imagine that). They had to stop short because BIL wasn't feeling well. Turns out he forgot his medication and was severely dehydrated and that was the cause of this violent vomiting episode that freaked us out so badly we had the paramedics come to house. I know what you're thinking... this is just your normal family beach trip.

Okay, so here are a few photos:

We all got dressed "beachy" and found a random person to take our picture in front of Old Baldy. It was like herding a group of retarded spider monkeys.
This is the house I stalked. I'm obsessed with this house. It honestly makes my hair tingle and my palms clammy. The four chocolate labs that were snoozing on the front porch only made my fantasy that much better. There was beach on the other side of the house too with a gigantic cantilevered covered porch. *sigh*
 This is me whipping up a fury of booty shaking. So, I could only get the little ones to dance.
Okay. So back to Indiana...

We are living in a loaner house that is already furnished. The furnishings are really not my style: Tommy Bahama has a seizure and throws up modern bile. I dunno, but we didn't have to move our furniture and we have a garage. I was really stoked about parking in a garage only to learn that an entire gym is being stored in there. There are aerobic machines, weights, and all kids of crap. My best guess is the owner who used to own the development moved the gym equipment out of the pool house and put it in the garage. Gym equipment is heavy lifting, for now I'm parking in the driveway... and also nobody knows whereabouts of the garage door openers.

The first week was hard on the account that my children were up my asshole the entire time I was getting things settled. They are now enrolled at a preschool that seems okay. They are happy to get out of my asshole and I get to hear myself breath and do things like laundry, grocery shopping, and getting my nails done.

I had my nails done yesterday at Princess Nail. It was quite the experience. My nail tech was a hoot. He was like a Vietnamese Chang from the Hangover. I asked him his name and he said it was Ken then said something that sounded like Kit without the tee. We had become pretty good friends at that point, so I asked him if he made up that name just now. To which he replied, "No, honey. Most people cannot pronounce my real name, so I just tell them Ken." I then pronounced his name correctly and his eyes got big. "Oh, well you got it." (He doesn't know yet that I can mimic things pretty good and he will be on the list of people that I impersonate.)

We talked about food and how he went to Georgia over Labor Day to a Vietnamese celebration in Atlanta on Jimmy Carter Blvd. I discovered he was married and his wife was driving him crazy. WIFE!? Good Lord, I truly thought this man was gay. Then I chuckled inside thinking about Chang and how the rest of the wolf-pack were shocked to find out he had a wife.

I suppose he felt extremely comfortable with me when it was time to apply the polish, because he said, "don't you want like a red or pink or something?" I had chosen a taupe color that I thought was pretty nice.

I looked at him and quietly whispered to not offend any other patrons, "You think this is too old lady-ish?"

He grimaced, so I trounced over to the nail polish and choose Lincoln Park at Dark, which is the color of blackened blood. I held it up for him and asked him if that was a better. He agreed it was a better color choice.

Lookie at Chang's work...

And just because Ken reminds me of him... "Just a little bump."

I did have a girls night out last evening. Not too bad, huh? One week and invited to the Monday night Bachelor viewing with the other gals from the block. I'm not one for watching a bunch of hoes getting sloppy seconds from the same douche bag, but there was wine, food, and girl time without husbands or kids. It could have been a Natzi Mother's Meth lab social and I would have gone. Okay, so maybe not really. That would be illegal. It was a good group of girls and I had fun.

I still miss my Georgia peeps though!

p.s. photos for your viewing enjoyment

Boden and Olivia on the carousel at the mall. Yes, we had to look at coats, because someone implied their jackets weren't sufficient.
 This is a house I pass by a lot that confuses me in so many ways. I think I hear Dueling Banjos. Check out the yellow Trans Am. Hell yeah!
 Lots of rolling pastures and farms.
 Weird not to have pine trees everywhere.
 Here is the garage/workout storage that I mentioned earlier.